I am in tears as I write this.
Thank you Hillary Schneider for everything.
I’ve been moving through a lot of emotional baggage these last few weeks as I sit with my horses and trying to finish an amazing course hosted by Hillary.
It’s all about finding your authentic self and stepping into your purpose….
When I started this course I honestly had no idea who my authentic self was.
All I knew was what I was taught and conditioned to be and do.
I knew I had big dreams and I TRIED and TRIED to make them come true.
Some I succeeded in… others were still just dreams and wishes.
I was mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted.
Trying to be what everyone needed me to be so they were satisfied and finally I’d get my wish.
Be this so your family loved you.
Be this so your clients like you.
Be this so the internet would share your website.
Be this so the banker liked you.
Be this so the horses responded to you.
Be this so your friends didn’t hate you.
Be….. what everyone else needed to be.
I was EXHAUSTED.
So this week I decided to be me.
I’ve been looking and I’ve even spent the time being and doing this’ so I was happy.
But it wasn’t enough. So I went on a huge deep inner journey. It took me a week or more.
But today. Today I found me.
Today I came out to the pens and my horse came right up to me. And instead of hiding behind this wall of fear I stood there and I listened.
She is in pain. And instead of feeling guilt or shame. I said I can help you with that.
I can help you.
Because it’s no longer my fault anyone feels the way they do.
It’s time they became responsible for their own pain.
And I helped. I did something I’ve never done before.
I did a body talk session on my horse because she asked for it.
And while doing so I had every horse licking and chewing and every single one was watching me.
And when I was done. Everyone was relaxed and I took a moment and looked around.
I was standing in the middle of all the pens. Two to my right. Two to my left and one in front.
Half of my herd is so strong, confident, leaders.
Half of my heard is sensitive, soft, open.
And this hit home. It hit home so hard. I found myself in my horses.
At first I danced. And then I cried.
I finally found me.
I am home.