I came out here cause I knew I needed horse time for myself.
I needed a moment to chill.
I needed a look into my emotions and a chance to shake off what was not helping me …
N shake I did.
But it took a long time.
I brought my babes with me and I’m always in the go mode with him.
Is he hungry? Is he tired? Does he need a burp? Is he cold? Hot? A change of diaper?
And if it’s not about him then it’s, is there laundry to do? when was the last time I ate? I should pick up around here, plan for tomorrow, make the milk….
I’m just always on. Night and day.
And I think this is not news to parents lol.
But right now he’s napping like a professional while I hang with my ponys.
And their message was.
Just be.
Chill out.
Let my guard down… in this moment.
Those are all great things that need to be taken care of in their moments.
But in this one, chill out.
Be here now.
So what was stopping me from doing that?
What guard did I have up?
Fear.
Pretty much if we are not in the place of peace we are witnessing some form of fear.
From what I have experienced, if we don’t acknowledge that fear we will never transcend it.
So here I am today witnessing my fear.
I’m not going to lie… it’s a big one.
It’s one I’ve been breaking down into pieces for most of this year.
Moving through it little by little.
I feel that I have to have my guard up to protect myself.
Because I’ve been hurt in the past I do not trust myself to be able to protect myself in the future.
Lately, I’ve been calling these boundaries… but really it’s anger n frustration.
Boundaries should be set outta love for yourself, not fear that you have to protect yourself.
If you push away outta fear you also push away the joy.
You live your life on the sidelines of greatness.
You will never let yourself step into who you truly are for fear of being hurt.
That’s what your protecting against.
That is not a loving boundary.
That’s fear talking.
So how do we transform this fear?
We let our guard down.
We witness the feelings.
We transform the belief systems that hold the fear in place and we let go.
And horses have gathered to help me do just that. 