What commitment means…

I’m pretty good at deciding what I want to do in my life.

What works for me n what doesn’t (most of the time)

But sometimes… ok most times… the ‘middle’ gets hard.

But I know in my heart it’s still right.

So I don’t give up.

And there was one very commitment that I could have given up on time and time again.

It has been fucking hard.

But I knew it was right.

So I cried a little bit (or a lot) and tried again.
…

I kept trying.

I never gave up.

I knew it was right.

And I prayed to God.

I told myself “I’m not giving up, I have the rest of my life to figure this out, I’m committed. I know it’s right”

I just kept going.

And going

And trying different things, learning new things, doing EVERYTHING that I thought would work.

I read books, I took courses, I did the work, I changed, shifted, transformed, I grew, I upleveled, I pivoted… but I just kept going.

And it was FUCKING hard.

BUT.… it taught me so much. It helped me grow.

And I still don’t know what the ‘ending’ looks like but I’m closer to ’my goal’ than I’ve ever been.

I haven’t actually told you what the thing was I’m talking about. And as I wrote this post I had a bunch of different things that I committed to roll through my mind.

There were goals that I remember only dreaming about when I met Troy in 2009. I remember having all the mushy conversations “what do you want to do with your life”
Weddings, families, How many kids, where to live, how many animals, what life looked like to each of us.

So this post is not about any one of these things in particular but about me COMMITTING to creating the life I DREAMED about.

And I could have walked away at any moment.
From the relationship
From the farm
From my business
From my horses
From the idea of having kids
From living where we do
From this home we created
From believing any of this was possible.

But I COMMITTED completely to following my heart.

….

That also being said… if you love someone let them go…

I also know this and removed any attachment (to the best of my ability) that I have to any of this stuff.

If the universe took it all away tomorrow- I’d cry- but I’d still be ok.

I surrender to the divine plan of it all, but I also know those dreams are mine because my soul was here to pursue them, to live this life, have these experiences, learn these lessons and take in the good and the bad.

So here I am committed until the end,

It’s hard

But I can’t even begin to tell you the rewards it’s having- the breakthroughs- the wins