My mission this year was to become fearless in my pursuit of my dreams.
But I had to get fucking honest with myself and I had to dig ridiculously deep.
I went further into traumas and wounds than I’ve ever gone.
Surprise (not surprised) these were exactly the same issues I’d dealt with before.
But here I am uncovering new layers of the exact same conversations I’ve had a million times. But that I’ve never had quite in this way.
And EVERY SINGLE TIME my horses tell me where I’m at.
Sometimes I take moments for myself to step into the work I’ve learned to do independently, but a lot of times I lean on others to walk me through to the next step.
I seek out teachers, mentors, healers who can help me through. They’ve been there, they know and they can help me understand.
And I haven’t always acknowledged this but my teachers always have… I HAD TO BE WILLING.
My mentors often commented on how much of a great student or client I was because I was 110% committed.
I thanked them n continued on. To me that level of commitment is normal.
But this weekend I truly sank into how much a part of the process I had to be.
I had to seek out the help n ask for what I needed… had to show up…. but I also had to be WILLING to change. I had to be open to the transformation.
A lot of people would love to change their lives and their situations but they aren’t willing to do the work.
And they limit themselves to what’s possible for them.
When I started my journey in 2011 I had NO idea what what going to transpire. But I had a dream. And I took every single fucking step possible to get me there.
And guess what…
It was hard.
It was fucking hard.
There were so many times I wanted to give in but I couldn’t.
I prioritized other things in my life and set my dreams on the back burner. But I had no idea that those choices actually helped me move forward.
I had no idea what the journey looked like.
It looked like empty pockets.
It looked like hard conversations.
It looked like tear stained pillows.
It looked like research and classes.
It looked like therapy sessions.
It looked like loosing friends.
It looked like gaining new friends.
It looked like trying new things.
It looked like practicing old things.
It looked like taking one friggen step at a time… having no idea where it would lead me but knowing that my end goal was love, happiness, purpose and joy.
I wanted to love my life. Love my work. Love my family. Love my friends. And most of all love myself.
So now here I am sitting in the middle of the horse pasture, on this beautiful August day 10 months into an amazing class about equine guided leadership and in just over a month I’ll be traveling back to BC to wrap up this part of my journey.
And it took me 10 years to get here but here I am … not the riding instructor I thought I was going to be but the crazy horse lady sitting in her pasture waiting to help others on this beautiful journey of healing and transformation.
And I deeply understand the process, not because I took a class about it, but because I lived it.
Today is the first day in my entire life I am sitting in the pasture without fear of how they’ll show up.
I know it’ll be ok because I showed up for me. And I challenged every single trauma and belief system that I carried with this fear.
Today is the first time I can use the word fearless and feel it deep into my bones.
Are you willing?
