This has definitely been a topic I have approached before but I feel it needs repeating at this time.
I’m going to be 100% vulnerable here.
This ‘pandemic’ triggered me.
I knew it right away. The first day my newsfeed went from smiling children at school and their activities to chaos and posts about how we were all going to catch a disease and come to our deaths. (Or at least our loved ones would)
Instantly my body tensed up and I switched off my Facebook and all emails relating.
Knowing I am 100% responsible for my reactions and emotions I took a few days and sat with the intensity of the situation- inside and out.
I tried to keep life as normal as I could – and really this situation of social distancing and following new protocol didn’t have much affect on my lifestyle at all.
That wasn’t my trigger.
As normal as life still was regarding the situation I was struggling to come to terms with it.
And I understand how EXTREMELY SENSITIVE I am to the chaos around me- but I also know I have tools to help keep me centred.
I knew My buttons were pushed.
So I brought out every tool in my tool box to work through this.
I had the responsibility to see the way my emotions were affecting my life.
My trigger story starts the day I was born – the day I could have died but didn’t.
From this day on my Mother was over bearing, over protective, and full of fear. She even admits that I made her go into full on PANIC every time something happened.
Every cold, every fever, every sniffle, every cough was treated with fear and anxiety trying to protect me from my death.
She felt out of control against illness and this is the way it was experienced in my life – until today (because she’s still my mother and she still worries).
But today we had another conversation… one about trust.
If my body was meant to die there was nothing she could have done to stop it, and if my body was meant to live there’s nothing she could have done to help it live.
Death is not up to us.
Fearing death is not helping us live.
We can definitely do things to take precautions. But when it’s our time it’s our time.
So when this illness became over blown by fear and panic my triggers went off.
I’m not saying it’s not a real threat or there are not things we should be doing to protect ourselves and our loved ones.
I’VE ALWAYS AGREED that we should help the vulnerable and the sick the best we can – ban together to help heal our communities, and our country.
But we have unnecessarily caused a pandemic of fear in everyone that has caused more harm than good.
– so back to my topic of self responsibility-
Today I had an awakening conversation about the whole situation… and I was also given this message from my horses, which I took to heart and now I’m sharing with all of you.
The threat of disease and illness was there and it was felt that these extreme regulations had to be put in place because people could not be trusted to be responsible in this situation.
Ding ding ding. Off went my trigger.
I was upset because I was not being trusted to be responsible with my own life and my own decisions.
The message from the horses was about learning and being aware of that place of self responsibility. Knowing that whatever decision you make you will have a consequence for.
Not all consequences are bad. If we make healthy choices we will receive healthy results.
If we choose to love and help our family and neighbours we will be loved and helped back.
The fear is from not trusting.
Not trusting our bodies.
Not trusting our families.
Not trusting our communities.
Not trusting our health care systems.
Not trusting our country to ban together and get through this as we have with every other illness.
We’ve used it to cause anxiety and chaos where there didn’t need to be.
I’ve been sitting with this for 4 weeks now. And my -not so patient- patience paid off.
I have taken this message of self responsibility seriously and I did break out all my tools to help move me through the chaos back to a place of inner peace.
No longer am I triggered by those who want to fear death or control my decisions with threats of safety.
This fear and chaos is causing a lot of people to have to look at their own feelings and their own situation.
All I can ask for and hope is for everyone reading this or experiencing this situation to take the time to sit with how you are reacting or responding to the situation.
How can you step out of your fear? Your chaos? Your triggers? And bring yourself back to a place of peace?
Your experience will not be the same as mine – but finding that self awareness of how you are being affected is the only thing I can ask of my community and friends.
If there is one thing I know that is coming from this situation it is to help this world wake up, to help us become aware of our actions and responses, to help us move away from that place of fear to our inner place of trust and faith and peace- in ourselves and in our worlds.
It took me 4 weeks to shift this response in myself, some it’s taken less time to shift through the chaos of it, and some it’ll take years of unearthing their feelings about it… some I feel never will get there.
But this message of being responsible for your response, your actions, your fears, your words, your inner state is a strong one. Not just in this situation. This concept is meant to be applied ALWAYS.
If we can learn and continue to find that place of trust inside of us we’ll continue to build families and communities on that place of trust.
And we will ban together to protect our families, our communities, our country, our world but it won’t be out of panic and fear, it’ll be out of faith and the knowing that we are stronger together than any threat that comes along. 