But it’s not working.
With every hardship this year has brought me, my faith gets stronger.
Or my determination does lol. And then I turn to my faith.
I turn to healing and health and rest and meditation and seeing it through.
I turn inward to find out what is going on, and coming up.
I turn outward to see what is being mirrored or reflected to me.
I look around to see what the collective and my immediate surroundings are going through to see if that’s what is having an affect on me.
And yet I keep pushing through.
And yesterday the horses graciously made an appearance at my window long enough for me to thank them and settle into the deeper knowing that I’m on the right track.
They helped solidify that this is the way forward. This is hard, but we are getting through.
This is the storm.
I just have to wait it out and push through.
And God is here to help me through.
He’s holding my hand and helping me keep the strength.
He’s leading me to healers and answers and he’s the peace I still feel between the turmoil.
These last few years have been hard on most everybody.
And I’ve found it very trying to have two kids during the pandemic when everything was up in the air and things were changing every time I open my phone.
I’ve found it very trying to loose the close connections we had with most of our family and friends. (Only the ones that were meant to stayed)
I’ve found it very trying to have a job, a business, a farm and continue to volunteer while relationships were falling apart, while holding space for others to deal with their emotions and deal with their pain (we all need this), while kids were screaming and acting out, while going to doctor after doctor and appointment after appointment…. To no avail.
But we are getting through.
Yes it could be harder
(but seriously this was hard enough)
And every time I just prayed and thanked God for the help he sent!