If you are wounded and hurting the healing is yours to pursue.
This might make you upset- tossing the blame back onto the antagonizer
Or you might agree, understanding that only the one with the wound can heal it.
We seem to think of the victim as innocent (and they may be) but they are also responsible for healing their wounds, emotional, mental or physical, so they don’t continue to ‘bleed’ onto everyone else.
You continue to react to your wounds if they are left unhealed. This then continues to hurt those around you.
This often perpetuates the cycle.
Now, I’m actually not saying that the antagonizer is off the hook…
They have their own healing to do. And that’s their responsibility as well, because when someone is hurting another they are already hurt… they are the victim in their own experiences.
Many people I speak to, or hear talk about their experiences, believe the ‘other’ has to change before they feel better.
This just isn’t the case and we’d be waiting years- generations really (which is the case in many situations) for healing to take place
But as soon as we acknowledge that we, as the one whose wounded, have healing to do, the faster this can be shifted, healed, transformed.
And as the victim, the wounded one, healing our wounds we don’t leave space for these wounds to keep hurting us. We move beyond the experience.
And then the space of miracles can occur. Relationships can be repaired, forgiveness can be offered.
Growth can move us all beyond our personal, ancestral, and cultural wounding.
But again, the healing is the responsibility of the victim, always.
The antagonizer can not apologize enough, do enough or even change enough to undo the hurt. (not that these are not beautiful things to do, they can be a great part of the process)
But they can not repair your wounds. That’s your responsibility to take care of.
So what are you still holding onto that needs healing? Where do you feel like the victim to someone else’s actions?