This is going to be one of the hardest posts I write. But maybe one of the most healing.
Motherhood has been a journey for me since the time I was a teenager. I did not want to have kids cause I did not want them to grow up hurting as much as I did.
Once in college, through the conversations with a friend, I decided that if I could give my kids what I felt I was missing then yes I’d have kids.
So once I found a relationship where I felt “I had it all”, I felt confident enough to try….
Little did I know what lied ahead.
This relationship pushed me till I broke, and then pushed me some more.
It broke me right open and I healed what was inside. I found love, I found strength, I found my inner power, I found trust, I found respect and I found truth. I took responsibility for all that I was being. And I surrendered everything I had.
So when God finally entrusted me with these little ones I promised to do my all to help them have everything, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
Only on the same day God brought these children into the world he asked me to step it up.
I had so much more to address – only this time I wasn’t the student but the teacher. I was supporting these children, this home, and this family through all the tools I had been given.
I had to ask everyone around me to step it up too. Some rose to the occasion, and some did not. This triggered major emotions in many people. And instead of dealing with their own emotions they projected them onto us. And that was not ok.
I have been fighting for these children and my life for 4 years. I’m tired and it’s over. I promise, it’s over. And we are now walking out the other side. I know we are, because Grace is here to save.
The funny thing is … I’d never fight like this for myself, because all of this same stuff was already going on before, it just got 10x worse when the children were born, expectations rose and judgements flew.
I’d never fight like this for me but I’ll fight like a momma bear to protect these kids and make this a safe home for them and myself.
So when I say be kind, everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about, I sincerely mean it.
Momma’s Day will always be a celebration of Brody’s birthday, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t have a deep place in my heart.
It’ll always be the day this journey started 
and now the day it’s ending, and healing begins ….
Mother’s Day Musings
