The past couple weeks a few things have happened- n this might be a trigger for some of you.
1. A lot of our deer have died. Of the 30+ deer that have been wandering around our yard n pastures we’ve seen, or heard about 6-10 deer being attacked by coyotes.
At first I thought oh well, that’s nature. (It really doesn’t bother me coming from a farm) it really is just nature.
I tried to leave it alone but it kept coming up of something of significance for me to look at.
2. the energy that continues to ‘haunt’ me came up again. And again and again. And again. each time I cut cords, did clearings, moved through it and let it go. I easily got back to being me. (I got a lot of awareness through this time)
3. I did a lot of deep deep clearing over this last week. I did my inner work, I came to the horses, I moved through my stuff and released what wasn’t mine. I had very vulnerable conversations, that were surprising easy once the energy was aligned to have them.
…. And I have to tell you. I saw it out to the death.
I walked into the horse pasture today and I seriously could cry. It wasn’t there anymore. The tension. It was gone. Dead. The energy has shifted. The battle was won.
And as I stood with my horses. All of them quiet, serene, it was perfect. It was as I knew it to be.
Like serious crying over here.
I can’t even begin to describe this.
The horses only message for me today was “we won…. To the death…”
So I started typing.
I seriously can’t even begin to tell you – it’s been years. It’s been hard. It’s been a huge learning curve. And it’s been worth it.
I started making a list the other day of everything in my life I’ve moved through:
Suicide thoughts
Abuse- narcissistic, gaslighting, sexual
Trauma
PTSD (obviously from said trauma)
Anxiety
Depression
Co-dependency
Curses put on me
Projections
Psychic attacks
Entities
Disrespect
Empathic burnout
Compassion fatigue
…
That’s a pretty good start if the list. There might be more lol.
And I don’t say this to brag (who wants to brag about that shit ^^^) I say this because I BELIEVE IN MIRACLES. I believe this shit works. healing works.
And I can tell you that first hand from standing in the horse pasture on this mid February day freezing my fingers off typing this post. Because the energy has shifted. It’s changed. It’s over, it’s gone. I’m back to the herd I had before (just a little bit emotionally worse for wear lol) I’m back to the human I was before… only maybe better.
Fuck I love this work.
But dear lord just cause I love this work please don’t give my a task like that again. I believe it’s over n there can be growth n ease from here on in.