What’s standing in your way?

Let me tell you a story.

Yesterday I came out to my horses… it was the first time in awhile I have had time by myself to sit with them.

So I was excited and expected us to just pick up where we left off.

I also set an intention for the ‘session’

Of course what you think will happen never does.

So out I stroll with no cares in mind n about to enter the pen.

As I walked through the gate immense anxiety came up.

Now if you know me this is not unusual, It’s a feeling I’m familiar with but I thought I’d worked through it all and wondered why it was coming up and so intensely again.

The closer I got to the horses the more intense it became….

I back tracked and chose a spot on the fence to sit n ponder this.

So many thoughts raced through my mind

“Feel the fear and do it anyway”

“You should be over there with the horses”

“Why can’t you get over yourself”

“It’s safe, no one will hurt you”

“You’ve done this before why can’t you do this now?”

“So n so said that’s how to do it- get over there”

On n on they went.

But my body rejected it all n I listened.

I sat on the fence.

I could still see the horses, I could still communicate. I just wasn’t over there with them like I thought I ‘should’ be.

I took a moment n took a breath.

I accepted that I had chosen to sit on the fence and then I looked around.

I saw a beautiful sunset, heard a woodpecker in the trees, watched the cows that were behind me and admired the day, the moment I was in.

I felt better. My anxiety had not gone away entirely but I was happy enough to just sit and admire.

I had eased my mind, but I also know I had to do the work….

The work of getting to the bottom of that anxiety.

There was a reason I was triggered.

The anxiety was just a feeling that came up in me to let me know there was something I hadn’t dealt with yet

I took this feeling back with me into the house last night and did some soul searching.

And today I get a second chance.

Today with no intentions set and no expectations I’m back outside at the horses.

I walked through the gate like every other time. No anxiety needed.

I’m back to being at peace with nature….

And I’m still doing the inner work.

Always